Learning To Forgive Yourself

forgive word handwritten on chalkboard with heart symbol instead of O

This has probably been the hardest part of my journey of weight loss, is learning to forgive myself. Bottom line we gained the weight for many reasons, most of them probably painful and hurtful. But learning to forgive ourselves is the biggest step we can make in our journey to getting healthy and happy.

Shortly after I started losing the weight, and I started feeling amazing I went through a period in my life where I was so damn mad at myself. I was mad that I missed out on so much in life, because the weight kept me a prisoner in my own house instead of being able to live my life. The weight kept me sheltered and did not allow me to branch out and meet new friends and people to enjoy my life with.

So when I realized that my hatred of my own self was starting to consume me, I realized that I had to start on a journey of healing and forgiving myself. For me I had to learn that I did the best I could in a difficult situation. Growing up I saw my Mom use food as weapon and that is something I took into my adult life and learned how to use food to deal with my emotions. My Mom would binge eat when she was happy or sad and then suddenly disappear for a half hour at a time, now I never heard her throw up but I knew what was going on. Then she got to the point where she would drink a 6 pack of cokes in front of me and binge eat a whole bag of Doritos and never allow me to have any. She always teased me with all of her junk food that when I turned 18 and was on my own I started buying all those things that were deprived to me as kid and over indulging.

Then I married a physically and abusive man and the only way I learned to cope with my awful living situation was through drinking huge amounts of soda, chips and cookies. Because in my mind the food made me feel good, even if it was only temporarily. It never told me a I was a failure, it never judged me it just made me happy. On my journey of forgiveness I realized that I did not know any better, I had learned from a early age that food is your friend and it makes you happy.

When I finally learned to forgive myself, I also freed myself of all that pain and hurt and learned that it was time to forgive and move on.

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About Angie

Single Mom of two girls on a journey to get healthy by losing weight and learning to love herself again!

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