600 Lb Life: Truth Hits Close to Home

My-600lb-life On tonight’s episode we were introduced to Brittani, she was a reminder of myself in so many ways. The reason I watch this show faithfully is because it is a great reminder of where I was, and in some aspect it also shows struggles I still have in my journey of weight loss. Even though I was never 600 lbs, the struggles that these people went through were the same struggles I experienced day after day. The shame and embarrassment of how much the weight controlled my life is a real reality for me.

In tonight’s episode Brittani was sexually abused by a family member at a young age and this became the catalyst for her using food to deal with her emotions throughout her life. Whether Brittani was happy or sad she turned to food as her one source of comfort. It was the one thing she could control in her life, and the one thing that seemed to bring her comfort if even for a short time.

After Brittani has her gastric bypass she goes through a period of depression and at one point makes the statement that she feels like she is dealing with a death in the family. This hit home for me so much because prior to surgery we used food to deal with our emotions, if we were sad or depressed eating some yummy and bad for us made us feel so much better if even for a little bit. I could remember sitting at my computer with a 44 ounce soda in one hand and a bag of chips or cookies in the other hand and I would feel a sense of euphoric for a little bit, but once the high wore off I felt so much worse about myself.

This was my last photo before gastric bypass surgery

This was my last photo before gastric bypass surgery

Even today when I am out in public and I see obese people my heart just aches for them, I know their secret world. The world where we hide from the public because we are disgusted with ourselves and we don’t want subject the world to our bodies either. For too many years I lived my life just like Brittani hidden away from society and my own family in my home, eating away my depression. Unlike Brittani I did not suffer from childhood sexual abuse, however I did suffer from physical and emotional abuse as a child and date rape in my early twenties. These things coupled with a abusive alcoholic husband were the catalyst for whom I became. Rather than dealing with the pain from these tragedies in my life I turned to food to comfort me. It was so much easier for me to grab a sugary soda and a bag of chips and know that in a food short minutes I would start to feel good. It is much like a drug user whom after taking that first hit has a overwhelming calm come over them, that is what a food addiction is like. I could feel the anxiety leave my body and for a few short minutes I was able to cope and deal with life again.

After surgery however when you are no longer hungry it is a hard hard adjustment because just as with Brittani food is no longer comfort, as a matter of fact is a struggle just to get the necessary food in and it became a battle or struggle and is no longer fun and comforting. So you do go through a mourning period because your best friend is no longer there to offer you solstice and comfort anymore, you have to start to learn to deal with your emotions on a completely different level. All those things that you got you where you are today, are still there hidden in your emotional closets and you have to start to learn to deal with that pain in a whole new way. You have to start to deal with pain and emotion and not hide from it anymore, this is the scariest and hardest part of going through this weight loss journey. Personally I went through a period of depression around the nine month mark when I had to learn how to cope without food and it was a hard learning process.

 

 

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About Angie

Single Mom of two girls on a journey to get healthy by losing weight and learning to love herself again!

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