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Learning To Love Again, And The Pitfalls |

Learning to Love Again, and The Pitfalls

The Storybook Romance of Your Childhood:

The Fairy TaleAs a child I think I was a normal girl with the ideal fantasy of meeting Mr. Right, he would romance me, make me feel special and always show me how much he loved me. As a girl growing up I think we get alot of our ideas of romance and finding that perfect someone from our stories we read, and of course the good old Disney Movies of our childhood.

I’ve been lucky in my life that I can say I have been in love a few times, and of course none of them where my ideal Mr Right that I had dreamed of in my childhood and built up in mind as so many of do as we grow up. None of them were my knight in shining armor that would protect me from the evils of the world, or would bring me flowers for no reason other than they loved me and were thinking of me. Then I found my Mr Right at the ripe old age of 42 years old, and it scared the hell out of me. For the first half of our relationship I kept a guard up, waiting for that other shoe to fall. Because no one could ever live up to my ideal aspects of Mr Right I had built up in my mind as a child and teenager.

And as much as I talk about all the wonderful things that Larry does for me on a weekly basis, and how wonderful he is. The truth is our relationship has not been easy at all, in fact it has been alot of hard work, learning and growing to get to where we are now.

Finding Myself and Sabotaging my Relationship:

Go Raiders! LOL

Go Raiders! LOL

Over the last five years I gone through a roller coaster from being in a unhealthy verbally and physically abusive relationship that left me a shell of my former myself. To learning to love myself again and to start to gaining self confidence for the first time in my adult life.  To loosing a mass amount of weight and having to relearn my new body, to looking in the mirror and finally recognizing the new person staring back at me. One of the things that really impacted my new relationship with Larry was I was forced to become very independent as I no longer had a male to rely on for the last five years. So when Larry came along and wanted to do everything for me, I found myself at times consciously and unconsciously fighting this, it felt like he was taking a bit of my Independence away from me that I fought so hard to gain.

This was a real challenge for me things as simple as taking the trash can outside for the trash guys, I would instinctively go to take it out on Monday night and Larry would stop me and say “That’s my job now, I got it” and I remember thinking but I can do that I don’t need your help. And it would hurt him, because the way he was in his other marriage and the way he was raised was to do for the woman you loved. That is just who he is, he honestly gets so excited if I give him a honey do list.The bottom line and one that took me awhile to understand was he was not trying to take away my independence it was his way of showing me cared and loved me.

Finding True Love:

Finding the love of my life I think from the first fifteen minutes after I met Larry I just knew that as clique as it sounds that he was my soulmate. There was just an instant emotional connection that I remember coming home and calling my best friend Lisa and telling I cannot explain it or understand it but there is something special about this guy.

One of the biggest obstacles we had in our relationship is our most recent relationships were unhealthy for us both. His last relationship was with a woman who more interested in flirting with other guys, and getting their phone numbers and degrading Larry then trying to build a healthy and loving relationship with him. So he came into our relationship with his own demons and battles, and he lost the love of 23 years to cancer and was dealing with that as well. As for me I was dealing with still depending on my ex for things around my house, and dealing with the after effects of all the abuse he put me through for 25 years. so to say we had a easy relationship starting out with Larry is false. We have had to really work on our relationship because the truth of the matter is, the good so outweighs the problems we have had that I knew it was worth it.

There are so many things I have never experienced in my life that I experience daily with Larry like how when he just looks at me his eyes just sparkle with how much he loves me, it just touches me and makes we want to cry sometimes. It’s the fact that he is the most thoughtful person I have ever met, from stopping on his way home from work to pick up a small thing for me that he knew I needed. Or how I will come home from work to a clean house, laundry done and occasionally dinner on the table. Things my ex husband would never dream of doing for me.

Living In A Love Bubble:

So I remember in high school when my friends would start a new relationship it seemed our friendship took the back-burner because they would always want to be with their boyfriends. And unfortunately that is what place that Larry and I have been in for months, with him working nights as a truck driver and me working days we tend to treasure every moment we can be together. So for the last few months we have lived in what I am loving referring to as our Love Bubble. Trying to get to get to know each other, talk, and just learn about each other. But one of the downfalls of being in our bubble is we both have gained between 10-20 pounds each, and I am missing my friends like Melanie and Lisa that use to be able to spend alot of time with. So now we are trying to find a healthy balance between work, relationship and friends and working out as we emerge from our love bubble.

 

 

 

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About Angie

Single Mom of two girls on a journey to get healthy by losing weight and learning to love herself again!

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