#BEJULYCHALLENGE-DAY 21 @thebesociety

21. Why do you blog

This is a easy one! Seven months ago when I started this journey of losing weight and getting healthy I sat down on a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I had done in the past to lose weight and what I could do differently this time to make it a success. And the one thing that kept jumping out off of the paper was being accountable to myself. Too often in the past I would find a way to cheat on my diets or quit for stupid reasons and never before had I honestly tried to lose weight without cheating and being honest and this time it had to be different.

So a friend of mine suggested that I create a blog where I was brutally honest, not only about how all this weight has effected my life and made me immobile and alone for so long. But also to be accountable to myself on those times when I do screw up and fall off the wagon as they say. So that was one reason I started this the second reason and maybe even more personal reason was so that not one more person would have to find themselves in the same sad situation I was in.

Seven months ago I was literally a hermit crab in the fact that I honestly never left my home unless it was to take the kids somewhere or if it was to run to the store. And even then alot of times I would go out in public not having showered for days, wearing my sweats or PJ pants and just plain not giving a shit what I looked like or smelled like. That is not something that is easy to admit but the bottom line was I just simply did not give a shit about myself and really didn’t care if I lived or died and it showed. My  days were spent chain smoking and drinking 4-5 fountain sodas a day as I sat in my office at my computer for hours at a time making clipart graphics for my work or playing games on Facebook. My only real human contact was seeing my kids when they actually had time for Mom lol being teenagers.

When I had my awakening as I like to call it in November it finally hit me, why did I hate myself so much? Did I do something so horrible and unforgivable? Why was the reason that I hated myself so much that I was literally killing myself? And the answer was I had done nothing, nothing wrong and yet I had spent years hurting myself for no good reason. So that is when I decided I had to make some serious changes in my life and so in January I decided that 2014 was the YEAR OF ANGIE and I was going to try my hardest to find out who the heck Angie was!

And what I can tell you is when I look at myself now in the mirror I am still not happy with the reflections that stares back at me but I am starting to see the good in her, the beauty in her, the compassion and caring in her. When I look in the mirror now I no longer hate myself or gag at my reflection. Now when I look in the mirror I am seeing subtle changes in my appearance from my hard work from my curves starting to come back, my stomach shrinking and starting loose my double chin. And all of that is slowly getting easier and better day by day.

 

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About Angie

Single Mom of two girls on a journey to get healthy by losing weight and learning to love herself again!

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