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Do You Know The Real Angie Wenke?? |

Do you Know the Real Angie Wenke??

1526504_10201705968065222_709787538_n Don’t worry I don’t think I know the real Angie Wenke is either! Well today started my first day on my new big journey in life! Just got done with my appointment with my Doctor to get me started on my new diet and my six month journey to a new ANGIE. This blog is more for ME to help me along this journey but I figure if I can help anyone else out there with my honesty and my struggles than that is even better. First I should start off with a little about me and why I am doing this blog. I will warn you I will NOT sugar coat anything I am going through, this is a HONEST reflection of things I am going through and my journey to help me out.

For most of my child and adult life I have been in some form of abusive relationships and the toll of these relationships have taken a toll on my me as a person. Growing up in childhood I had a Mom who had alot of her own demons to deal with and unfortunately she took out her anger on me. From calling me fat, ugly, telling me she should of had an abortion and so much more. So then as it often happens I went from one abuser to another by marrying my soon to be ex-husband. My ex-husband also had his own demons he is still dealing with, and rather than dealing with them me and my daughters became his outlet.

After hearing for over 42 years of life what an awful person you are from the two most important people in your life it does something to you. First it makes me want to hide from everyone, whether it be friends or family. The reason being is I don’t feel worthy, and I am always afraid that everyone is judging me also like my Mom and Ex Hubby did. And let’s be honest NONE of my family is over weight and NO one can understand what I am going through. I have maybe two people I can honestly call friends, and that is because I am so scared to open myself up to people for fear of rejection. So I never get to experience things like normal people, just going to church or the grocery store is a HUGE deal for me. I get panic attacks, worrying people are laughing or judging or making fun of me. And for the last year I have  been trying to get a doctors office to help me get started on my journey towards a weight loss surgery, but there was always excuses as to why we were getting no where.

Then in November a friend of mine had a heart attack, a friend I am just getting to know and really care about a lot. And in that moment it scared me to no end, like nothing else has. I am not sure why, but it scared me. In that moment I felt my own mortality. I looked in the mirror and the honest to god truth is I am a little over 300 pounds and am only 5′ 1″ tall. I am DIEING! There is NO sugar coating that is the honest to GOD truth. I am dieing every day, a little bit at a time. There was NO being in denial anymore! I am DIEING. My kids will no longer have a Mother soon, that is the god’s honest truth. And let me tell you folks when you get that scared you are determined to do something about it!

Three months ago I started getting scared when I was afraid I was in the middle of having pneumonia again, due to smoking two packs of day. And I got a little scared to the point that I quit smoking. But not like I had in the past where I told people I quit but would sneak a cigarette or two here and there. I have not cheated ONCE since Sept 28th not one cigarette at all not one puff. And that may not seem like much to you but that is the FIRST time in my whole life that I kept a promise to myself and actually quit one of my addictions! So when my friend had her heart attack that was simply the icing on the cake. I don’t even think she knows how much she has impacted my life, I owe her my life.

So yesterday I met with my surgeon along with my Mom and they are sure within six months I can have my weight loss surgery and start on my new life. During the next six months I have a few important goals to work on, one I have to loose at least 32 pounds that is crucial or I cannot have my surgery. Two I need to start discovering who “Angie” is. For too long I have lived my life for my ex-husband or my kids that I have NO clue who the real “Angie” is and I am so excited to learn more about ME. Third I want to LOVE myself, sounds so easy and simple but it is NOT. When I look in the mirror I see a HUGE disappointment to my entire family, a embarrassment to my kids and myself, and someone who is so lonely. Four, I want to develop some new friends and start exploring those things that SCARE ME. Like going out in public, going to the Mall, etc.

And the more I have thought about this today I have decided since I have to start working out now, and with my weight I cannot do much at this point. I figured I could work on two of my goals at the same time and start walking at the Mall. Oh Lord just me typing those words has my heart racing and my blood boiling from being scared! But I DON’T CARE! lol I have to overcome my fears, I am so tired of being ALONE, and SCARED.

So on this blog I will be sharing recipes I find, any exercises or tricks I find along the way, and just sharing my UPS and DOWNs with you. I want this to be the most honest reflection of who I AM. And I guarantee MOST of what I write on this blog will be an EYE opener for my own family and friends, if they actually read this lol So fasten your seat belt it is going to be a BUMPY ride, but in the end it will be a beautiful ride!

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About Angie

Single Mom of two girls on a journey to get healthy by losing weight and learning to love herself again!

Comments

  1. Melanie Fahrner says:

    I just want you to know I love you for you and I am behind you every step of the way!

  2. Joyce Hogue says:

    Wishing you the best of luck! Almost everybody I know has had a struggle with weight, and if not that it’s something else. Believe me, you are not alone. We are all the walking wounded, some more than others. Looking forward to seeing your progress!
    Just keep in mind, it’s a LIFE CHANGE that will get you through this. Woo-Hoo!!

  3. dianna western says:

    You are a beautiful person Angie glad we are doing this together never give up on yourself and yes I can say i know the real you. Your a sweet kindhearted person and so blessed to be your friend

  4. Angie, You so got this. It’s only when you hit your own personal wall you can change, you’ve hit your wall. It’s going to be a amazing journey . OX

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